SO I'm going emo on this post. Life. Fucking. Sucks. Donkey. BALLS. Shit. Ass. Fuck. Pussy. Woot I get to be diagnosed with turrets. But for serious, when is this downward spiral going to end? How far can I dig until I come back up? Its to the point where I'm getting dysfunctional.
I wonder how others cope with the bullshit surrounding their lives. Why do they compromise with a shitty job? Why are parties so superficial? Does anyone really care to extend a helping hand these days? I sometimes question how strong the bond is between me and my friends? If they see me struggling this much, will they help me? The other flip side of the coin is, can they really help me? What answers am I looking for? Financial support? Emotional support?
Here is a positive aspect, my health is good. I am fully able to move, all my limbs are in tact and I have a killer smile. Though that smile is an amazing mask I use to cover the bag of questions floating through my head.
After a minute of contemplation and review, I've realized this is all a reflection of my own thoughts. Plenty of people in the world are living fulfilling lives. Fighting for the inches to create a world they deem acceptable. Where is my motivation to change? I wish it was just an on/off switch. It seems more like a sun dial.
Alright let's collaborate and come to a solution for this spike of depression. The three major fields of worry. Health, Wealth, Relationships.
Health is about a 6 on a 1-10 scale. Don't got a washboard but I don't have a double chin either. Could work on it but this is the least of my worries as all it really takes is $60 a month for karate lessons.
Wealth is about a 1 on a 1-10 scale. The worst case scenario. No income coming in. About 3.5k in credit card debt. No job prospects in sight. No motivation to compete with all the Masters and PhD's. Too much pride to work at McDonalds. What is a brother to do? This is likely the main reason for my discontentment. Funny how it can jump straight to a 6 with a $10/hr job though. By the way I consider a 6 a "just getting by number." We'll follow this thoroughly after I talk about relationships.
Relationships is about a 3.5 on a 1-10 scale. Not entirely the pits but not exactly something to openly talk about. I do have a few prospects I'm talking to. Lip locked with one of them this past Friday but her facebook says she wants to move to Japan. That's no fun. :( . Other one isn't my type at all but I think she likes me more than I like her. This may be inconsiderate but I want to leverage her to satisfy my needs. At least I'm honest. Getting higher on this scale definitely requires me to have a steady income because it provides the inner confidence and security of a supporter. I don't have to worry about taxi rides and finding exciting things to do in the city. However, even if I do get a job, it'll require me to actively pursue new lovelies in the city. So this scale will not rapidly rise easy like the health scale. I'm fine with that. I rather fry the wealth scale.
Here is a recap. Health 6 - could jump instantly to 8 once I find $60 a month to pay for karate lessons. Wealth 1 - needs immediate attention but will jump to a satisfactory 6 once I find something. Meaning Health goes to 8, Wealth goes to 6 after I get a job. Relationships 3.5 and needs attention after you grow accustomed to the work schedule. This will be put on the back burner but I do hope I lay this chick tomorrow so my mind can be at ease. Once I have the 8, 6, 3.5 from the job, I can focus on starting a dating company and meeting new women. How coincidental that they coincide. :) .
Going off on a tangent, where is the support that I'm seeking for? How much can they help me? Even if all my friends were to donate me $100, would I be happy? Answer is no. Because I know that I would take it for granted and spend it on tastier food or more drinks at the club. The assistance I need isn't financial. Therefore, I am looking for a bunch of cheerleaders. Wow that's lame. Lol. But that was the conclusion. My own personal cheerleading team. "You can do it!" "W" "O" "R" "K" "Go!" HAHAHA - wow I am delusional. That would make me feel accountable though.. Though I have talked about this with friends and they have cheered me on without the pom-poms. It goes through one ear and out the other.
Off conclusion, none of my friends can help me. Motivation is internal. Struggle is internal. Therefore the solution is something only I can grasp with my own two hands. There is no one to blame but yourself. You are your own worst enemy. How many cliche's can I put in one paragraph? :) . Cliche's are nuggets of wisdom passed down from generation. Many before me have come to this same point in life and have battled the trenches. C'mon Arnie! Join the war for success!
Summary - GET A FUCKING JOB NO MATTER WHAT. FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT. Then start a dating company and meet the wife of your dreams all by yourself. Once accomplished, share your success story with everyone. :)
