All worries pass through me. All outcomes are unnecessary. The only thing left is to lead the life I was meant to live and build a path of footprints for those to follow.
Love, peace and joy
Arnie
Friday, December 25, 2009
Journal to the journey 2010
I'll keep this short and sweet. I left on a rather emo note and it is indeed darkest before dawn. That is the cycle of the world. Light and dark are two sides of the same coin. I have now found the greatest light. The greatest spectacle one could view. The jewel of life.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Every dog has it's day..
Disclaimer: Long winded bitch session to follow. Please skip if you don't want your ears to bleed. :)
SO I'm going emo on this post. Life. Fucking. Sucks. Donkey. BALLS. Shit. Ass. Fuck. Pussy. Woot I get to be diagnosed with turrets. But for serious, when is this downward spiral going to end? How far can I dig until I come back up? Its to the point where I'm getting dysfunctional.
I wonder how others cope with the bullshit surrounding their lives. Why do they compromise with a shitty job? Why are parties so superficial? Does anyone really care to extend a helping hand these days? I sometimes question how strong the bond is between me and my friends? If they see me struggling this much, will they help me? The other flip side of the coin is, can they really help me? What answers am I looking for? Financial support? Emotional support?
Here is a positive aspect, my health is good. I am fully able to move, all my limbs are in tact and I have a killer smile. Though that smile is an amazing mask I use to cover the bag of questions floating through my head.
After a minute of contemplation and review, I've realized this is all a reflection of my own thoughts. Plenty of people in the world are living fulfilling lives. Fighting for the inches to create a world they deem acceptable. Where is my motivation to change? I wish it was just an on/off switch. It seems more like a sun dial.
Alright let's collaborate and come to a solution for this spike of depression. The three major fields of worry. Health, Wealth, Relationships.
Health is about a 6 on a 1-10 scale. Don't got a washboard but I don't have a double chin either. Could work on it but this is the least of my worries as all it really takes is $60 a month for karate lessons.
Wealth is about a 1 on a 1-10 scale. The worst case scenario. No income coming in. About 3.5k in credit card debt. No job prospects in sight. No motivation to compete with all the Masters and PhD's. Too much pride to work at McDonalds. What is a brother to do? This is likely the main reason for my discontentment. Funny how it can jump straight to a 6 with a $10/hr job though. By the way I consider a 6 a "just getting by number." We'll follow this thoroughly after I talk about relationships.
Relationships is about a 3.5 on a 1-10 scale. Not entirely the pits but not exactly something to openly talk about. I do have a few prospects I'm talking to. Lip locked with one of them this past Friday but her facebook says she wants to move to Japan. That's no fun. :( . Other one isn't my type at all but I think she likes me more than I like her. This may be inconsiderate but I want to leverage her to satisfy my needs. At least I'm honest. Getting higher on this scale definitely requires me to have a steady income because it provides the inner confidence and security of a supporter. I don't have to worry about taxi rides and finding exciting things to do in the city. However, even if I do get a job, it'll require me to actively pursue new lovelies in the city. So this scale will not rapidly rise easy like the health scale. I'm fine with that. I rather fry the wealth scale.
Here is a recap. Health 6 - could jump instantly to 8 once I find $60 a month to pay for karate lessons. Wealth 1 - needs immediate attention but will jump to a satisfactory 6 once I find something. Meaning Health goes to 8, Wealth goes to 6 after I get a job. Relationships 3.5 and needs attention after you grow accustomed to the work schedule. This will be put on the back burner but I do hope I lay this chick tomorrow so my mind can be at ease. Once I have the 8, 6, 3.5 from the job, I can focus on starting a dating company and meeting new women. How coincidental that they coincide. :) .
Going off on a tangent, where is the support that I'm seeking for? How much can they help me? Even if all my friends were to donate me $100, would I be happy? Answer is no. Because I know that I would take it for granted and spend it on tastier food or more drinks at the club. The assistance I need isn't financial. Therefore, I am looking for a bunch of cheerleaders. Wow that's lame. Lol. But that was the conclusion. My own personal cheerleading team. "You can do it!" "W" "O" "R" "K" "Go!" HAHAHA - wow I am delusional. That would make me feel accountable though.. Though I have talked about this with friends and they have cheered me on without the pom-poms. It goes through one ear and out the other.
Off conclusion, none of my friends can help me. Motivation is internal. Struggle is internal. Therefore the solution is something only I can grasp with my own two hands. There is no one to blame but yourself. You are your own worst enemy. How many cliche's can I put in one paragraph? :) . Cliche's are nuggets of wisdom passed down from generation. Many before me have come to this same point in life and have battled the trenches. C'mon Arnie! Join the war for success!
Summary - GET A FUCKING JOB NO MATTER WHAT. FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT. Then start a dating company and meet the wife of your dreams all by yourself. Once accomplished, share your success story with everyone. :)
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Clean up. New Template.
Once again. Spring cleaning. First I finished paying off my bills so I am now debt free! Check. (More money to spend on my new wardrobe.) Second, I've already bought plane tickets to Miami this June and I'm going to Hawaii in October. Not too bad. Now to fry the big fish. Summer love here I come!
Leftover checklist from February.
Reach next plateau of Pickup (probably involves girlfriend(s)?)
Take cooking classes or try an instrument (violin?)
Develop and become the leader of your circle
Send flowers to Mom
Have dinner with your dad/brother
Sky dive / Scuba dive (possible in Hawaii)
Attend black and white tie event / masquerade party
Get a job you are proud to have
Leftover checklist from February.
Reach next plateau of Pickup (probably involves girlfriend(s)?)
Take cooking classes or try an instrument (violin?)
Develop and become the leader of your circle
Send flowers to Mom
Have dinner with your dad/brother
Sky dive / Scuba dive (possible in Hawaii)
Attend black and white tie event / masquerade party
Get a job you are proud to have
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Taking Stock
So I read my post from a year and a month ago and I realized that I accomplished a crap load over the past year. First I exceeded my expectation in income (mo money mo wardrobe) and I havent the least bit paid down my credit card. Bummer.
Took the internship from PU101 which was an everlasting experience. Something that will be apart of my legend as I grow old. That included sarging by myself.
Joined the gym last month and have been dedicated. I flip flop on this as it really takes dedication and motivation.
Took salsa classes for a month. Was fun but not going to do it again.
To do List:
Pay off school loan / credit card bill.
Take cooking classes or try an instrument (violin?)
Reach next plateau of Pickup (probably involves girlfriend(s)?)
Travel to Hawaii, Cabo or Miami.
Throw parties and teach one person what you learned about the game
Send flowers to Mom
Have dinner with your dad/brother
Sky dive / Scuba dive
Attend black and white tie event / masquerade party
Thats a good list for me. Let's make it happen 2008!
Took the internship from PU101 which was an everlasting experience. Something that will be apart of my legend as I grow old. That included sarging by myself.
Joined the gym last month and have been dedicated. I flip flop on this as it really takes dedication and motivation.
Took salsa classes for a month. Was fun but not going to do it again.
To do List:
Pay off school loan / credit card bill.
Take cooking classes or try an instrument (violin?)
Reach next plateau of Pickup (probably involves girlfriend(s)?)
Travel to Hawaii, Cabo or Miami.
Throw parties and teach one person what you learned about the game
Send flowers to Mom
Have dinner with your dad/brother
Sky dive / Scuba dive
Attend black and white tie event / masquerade party
Thats a good list for me. Let's make it happen 2008!
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Insomnia
Sigh just took a nap and strugging to go back to sleep (maybe I should buy some NyQuil). Decided I write another entry to my diary to document my thoughts. Well what compelled me to write was something I consider important - it is basically that grey area in the back of your mind. The things you put in a box and never want to open cause it's YOUR deep dark secret. Now I am here to publicize it - good thing blogs are anonymous to the untrained computer people.
Well my mother mentioned visiting NYC so she can come see me. She wanted to know if this month or June would be a better date. In june, she could kill two stones at once and visit me and my sister's anniversary. haha Anniversary - that's fucking bullshit, why would anyone want to celebrate the burial of the dead. Don't get me wrong, I know death is apart of life but this is an unusual case. Hmmm should I go all the way back and re-play these thoughts? Oh what the hell, why not...
Some history of my sister cause I loved her to death (bad pun). Anyway she was the coolest sister a bro can have. Popular, stylish, funny when she was high, caring when she wasn't. She taught me how to dance when I was in elementary school. She gave me tequila in Junior High - basically she brought me into her world. Little did I know that is what destroyed her... at least so I think.
I never asked her about this and I never will but there was one day. I don't even what happened - maybe I was caught up in High School or just oblivious to the fact my sister changed. By the time it hit me - it was that snowball effect and it was a completely different character. Some friends of hers would call her crazy, hell I even thought she wasn't all there. (silence). Hmm I'm so blind to this fact that I can't even put the pieces of the puzzle together. Like it's some empty void of my memory to ask what the fuck happened to you? (tears)... Anyway rumor has it she was a frat party and she got raped. Hell if I know but whenever I talked to my sister - she was obsessed with this guy Karn. Damn that name to hell. Next thing I knew that was all I got out of her when I would ask her how she was doing? and that was rare cause I was kinda afraid of my sister.
There she was - my idol, my role model, the social butterfly and now she couldn't even put a sentence together without swearing or without it making any situational sense. She would always blab on about her dreams, which in turn turned into her reality. I get the same feeling when I go to sleep in my bed for a week. Was that a dream? or did that just happen? and she was in her room most of the time. Anyway let's skip to my black box...
Try to picture being in my shoes. I woke up 9am - little groggy but the sun is shining through the window. Still jobless but enjoying my life nontheless, I think I just finished High School and was on the grind to look for work. I go to the bathroom - bout to take a piss and go back to sleep. Little did I know what I find... (tears) There I find my sister hanged herself from the shower curtain top. How the fuck is that possible? How can someone hang themself when they could reach the floor? She must have really tried to choke hard. The pain of having noone understand you - I guess she finally decided to take the next step. I was dumbfound - was this reality? was someone playing a fucking movie prank on me? so like any logical person - I screamed for help. Screamed like... fuck can't think of a metaphor. Anyway screaming was useless since I was the only one home. Just great. How useless.
Since I love my mom the most I decided to call her to help. She was at her job working hard being a nurse in North Carolina. MOM - how the fuck (tears0 HOW THE FUCK do you tell your mother you just saw your sister commit suicide. I said mom I have some bad news. My voice was shivering, quivering, unsure how to say it. She heard it in my voice and immediately asked what was wrong. I'm usually pretty easygoing and doing a little giggle here and there. It was complete silence, only the sound of me stuttering - m-my-my- K-kkk-Kelly. One fucking word. I then spit it out cause it was the only thing to do. Kelly is dead. She is hanging in the bathroom...
Screams - you don't know how nervewrecking it is to hear your mother scream at you (tears) not you...the fact that what I told her is unreal. She dropped the phone and I could hear the other nurses asking her what was wroong. I'm on the other line waiting for advice...what the fuck should I do mom?...(silence) Then some fucking nurse yells at me on the line asking what I said to my mother? I was like shut up you dont know anything I dont want to tell you anything. She pries on and I tell her my sister dead... you fucking happy - now gimme my mother. She cowarded like a little girl cause cmon what can you say to that? My mom comes back on the phone and very rationally tells me to call the cops. call 911. call your dad and your brother and Ben (my sister's so-called boyfriend). I say ok and about ready to take action. My mom is sobbing on the other line and says she'll be coming back as soon as she can...
I hang up (god this story is dragging on long, who woulda thought I go into so much detail)...anyway I call the everybody - and tell them the same story. I got bad news...blah blah blah and they all hear in my voice I'm dead serious. The so-called boyfriend asked me if I was joking cause by now was my 4th 5th time. I got my habit of giggles back and I had to say YES I AM NOT FUCKING LYING.
First call, the cops - something right out of the movies. I tell them the situation and the operator says open the door right now - we'll be there in under 3 minutes. 3 minutes? wow now that is some service. The operator is trying to comfort me cause I am constantly asking her what the hell should I do? WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP? CAN YOU SAVE MY SISTER? (tears)... she says take her down and lie her on the floor. Sounds easy enough.
I tell her to hold on as I try this easy task. I walk into my bathroom and I try to lift my sister off. Now I go to the gym, I am pretty fit. I could easily pick someone up - well at least I could pick girls up. Nothing. Absolutely stunned. I can't move her. She must have weighed like a ton. I put my arms around her, yelling at her, move damnit. I have to help you...let me lift you (tears)... and I am fucking useless again. I can't even pick up my sister. Fucking unbelieveable. I realized it was the situation I was in. When you see death, you freeze. It is like the movies when you tell the stupid girls to run away from the killer and they just sit there paralyzed. I was paralyzed, I had no strength. I'd give anything I could to just lift her but I couldn't. Anyway I run back to the operator and tell her I c-cant d-d-do it. She comforts me and says the ambulance is almost there.
In a flash, cops and the ambulance, my dad, my bro, Ben are all in the house. I have to explain the story like 84793274932 times to everybody. I think a detective tried to question the death of her. I felt like she was accusing me of murder. I shoulda slapped her. She asked me "Is that your sister?" and I was a giddy - I don't know why, it is just how I deal with things. I laugh about my problems cause that is what I use as my defense. Some people stay silent, some let it out, I giggle. Fuck that. Anyway I said "giggle. yeah... giggle" - one fucking word again. She looked at her officer like I was crazy. She asked me why I was laughing? - I said I dont know. Fuck her.
Next thing I remember everyone leaves - I'm exhausted. I want to tell someone my problems. I want to tell someone how I felt. I can't explain to my family or the cops how useless I was. I only give them straight answers like yeah she was in the bathroom when I woke up. Everybody decided I need some air - actually I tell everyone I need some air. I run. I run as fast as I could through the streets to my girlfriends house. Thank god I had someone to release all the tension inside. All the thoughts running through my head.
I rushed to her and I don't think I was making any sense. Broken sentences.. incomplete thoughts - but hell I scared the shit out of her. That was to be expected as I figure no one understands me by now. Why the hell should I explain the whole situation? I'll just tell her one thought at a time that is flashing through my mind. She is speechless... she tried her best to comfort me by saying "it's ok" "you'll be alright" "it takes time". Like I haven't heard that from every fucking person in my life at the moment. "A" for effort but ... ah whatever I didn't expect her to say anything to comfort me. So she hugged me and babied me - which felt good...
Next thought - funeral time - ah I'm so tired of explaining this facts - i guess i'll give incomplete sentences. My mom is back - we find a funeral home. It was nice - I made a cd as a tribute to her. Big turnout - lots of friends and our small family went. I remember asking all my friends to come. Must have scared them but they all came anyway to give me support. Haha they finally get to see how vulnerable I am. Good for them. Anyway we did all the funeral procedures and it has been 3 years? god I can't even remember cause I buried it in my thoughts. Oh another thought - my sister killed herself one day before her birthday. I have no idea. (silence)
Ok I guess I got enough off my chest. It feels good to write about this. I wonder if I'm gonna scare people away. I wonder if I'll find someone with the same dysfunctional family problems. Yeah I know - everyone and their moms told me to go to a therapist. I said "no" i don't need on but was secretly hoping someone to push me into one. I would probably explain the same story and he would give his comforting speech. Yeah it takes time to heal blah blah blah. I know that's why I never mentioned the reason why my sister died. Why she suicided? I told everybody she just died - don't ask about it. Hmmm I'm too lazy to read this over and connect my thoughts so I'm gonna end it at this and fall asleep. Good night and cherish the family and friends you have. I know I will forget this thought next week. At least I have this as a reminder.... I love you mom. I love you dad. I love you Darren. I love you Johnny. I love you Emily. I love you guys. A piece of you all will reside within me.
Well my mother mentioned visiting NYC so she can come see me. She wanted to know if this month or June would be a better date. In june, she could kill two stones at once and visit me and my sister's anniversary. haha Anniversary - that's fucking bullshit, why would anyone want to celebrate the burial of the dead. Don't get me wrong, I know death is apart of life but this is an unusual case. Hmmm should I go all the way back and re-play these thoughts? Oh what the hell, why not...
Some history of my sister cause I loved her to death (bad pun). Anyway she was the coolest sister a bro can have. Popular, stylish, funny when she was high, caring when she wasn't. She taught me how to dance when I was in elementary school. She gave me tequila in Junior High - basically she brought me into her world. Little did I know that is what destroyed her... at least so I think.
I never asked her about this and I never will but there was one day. I don't even what happened - maybe I was caught up in High School or just oblivious to the fact my sister changed. By the time it hit me - it was that snowball effect and it was a completely different character. Some friends of hers would call her crazy, hell I even thought she wasn't all there. (silence). Hmm I'm so blind to this fact that I can't even put the pieces of the puzzle together. Like it's some empty void of my memory to ask what the fuck happened to you? (tears)... Anyway rumor has it she was a frat party and she got raped. Hell if I know but whenever I talked to my sister - she was obsessed with this guy Karn. Damn that name to hell. Next thing I knew that was all I got out of her when I would ask her how she was doing? and that was rare cause I was kinda afraid of my sister.
There she was - my idol, my role model, the social butterfly and now she couldn't even put a sentence together without swearing or without it making any situational sense. She would always blab on about her dreams, which in turn turned into her reality. I get the same feeling when I go to sleep in my bed for a week. Was that a dream? or did that just happen? and she was in her room most of the time. Anyway let's skip to my black box...
Try to picture being in my shoes. I woke up 9am - little groggy but the sun is shining through the window. Still jobless but enjoying my life nontheless, I think I just finished High School and was on the grind to look for work. I go to the bathroom - bout to take a piss and go back to sleep. Little did I know what I find... (tears) There I find my sister hanged herself from the shower curtain top. How the fuck is that possible? How can someone hang themself when they could reach the floor? She must have really tried to choke hard. The pain of having noone understand you - I guess she finally decided to take the next step. I was dumbfound - was this reality? was someone playing a fucking movie prank on me? so like any logical person - I screamed for help. Screamed like... fuck can't think of a metaphor. Anyway screaming was useless since I was the only one home. Just great. How useless.
Since I love my mom the most I decided to call her to help. She was at her job working hard being a nurse in North Carolina. MOM - how the fuck (tears0 HOW THE FUCK do you tell your mother you just saw your sister commit suicide. I said mom I have some bad news. My voice was shivering, quivering, unsure how to say it. She heard it in my voice and immediately asked what was wrong. I'm usually pretty easygoing and doing a little giggle here and there. It was complete silence, only the sound of me stuttering - m-my-my- K-kkk-Kelly. One fucking word. I then spit it out cause it was the only thing to do. Kelly is dead. She is hanging in the bathroom...
Screams - you don't know how nervewrecking it is to hear your mother scream at you (tears) not you...the fact that what I told her is unreal. She dropped the phone and I could hear the other nurses asking her what was wroong. I'm on the other line waiting for advice...what the fuck should I do mom?...(silence) Then some fucking nurse yells at me on the line asking what I said to my mother? I was like shut up you dont know anything I dont want to tell you anything. She pries on and I tell her my sister dead... you fucking happy - now gimme my mother. She cowarded like a little girl cause cmon what can you say to that? My mom comes back on the phone and very rationally tells me to call the cops. call 911. call your dad and your brother and Ben (my sister's so-called boyfriend). I say ok and about ready to take action. My mom is sobbing on the other line and says she'll be coming back as soon as she can...
I hang up (god this story is dragging on long, who woulda thought I go into so much detail)...anyway I call the everybody - and tell them the same story. I got bad news...blah blah blah and they all hear in my voice I'm dead serious. The so-called boyfriend asked me if I was joking cause by now was my 4th 5th time. I got my habit of giggles back and I had to say YES I AM NOT FUCKING LYING.
First call, the cops - something right out of the movies. I tell them the situation and the operator says open the door right now - we'll be there in under 3 minutes. 3 minutes? wow now that is some service. The operator is trying to comfort me cause I am constantly asking her what the hell should I do? WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP? CAN YOU SAVE MY SISTER? (tears)... she says take her down and lie her on the floor. Sounds easy enough.
I tell her to hold on as I try this easy task. I walk into my bathroom and I try to lift my sister off. Now I go to the gym, I am pretty fit. I could easily pick someone up - well at least I could pick girls up. Nothing. Absolutely stunned. I can't move her. She must have weighed like a ton. I put my arms around her, yelling at her, move damnit. I have to help you...let me lift you (tears)... and I am fucking useless again. I can't even pick up my sister. Fucking unbelieveable. I realized it was the situation I was in. When you see death, you freeze. It is like the movies when you tell the stupid girls to run away from the killer and they just sit there paralyzed. I was paralyzed, I had no strength. I'd give anything I could to just lift her but I couldn't. Anyway I run back to the operator and tell her I c-cant d-d-do it. She comforts me and says the ambulance is almost there.
In a flash, cops and the ambulance, my dad, my bro, Ben are all in the house. I have to explain the story like 84793274932 times to everybody. I think a detective tried to question the death of her. I felt like she was accusing me of murder. I shoulda slapped her. She asked me "Is that your sister?" and I was a giddy - I don't know why, it is just how I deal with things. I laugh about my problems cause that is what I use as my defense. Some people stay silent, some let it out, I giggle. Fuck that. Anyway I said "giggle. yeah... giggle" - one fucking word again. She looked at her officer like I was crazy. She asked me why I was laughing? - I said I dont know. Fuck her.
Next thing I remember everyone leaves - I'm exhausted. I want to tell someone my problems. I want to tell someone how I felt. I can't explain to my family or the cops how useless I was. I only give them straight answers like yeah she was in the bathroom when I woke up. Everybody decided I need some air - actually I tell everyone I need some air. I run. I run as fast as I could through the streets to my girlfriends house. Thank god I had someone to release all the tension inside. All the thoughts running through my head.
I rushed to her and I don't think I was making any sense. Broken sentences.. incomplete thoughts - but hell I scared the shit out of her. That was to be expected as I figure no one understands me by now. Why the hell should I explain the whole situation? I'll just tell her one thought at a time that is flashing through my mind. She is speechless... she tried her best to comfort me by saying "it's ok" "you'll be alright" "it takes time". Like I haven't heard that from every fucking person in my life at the moment. "A" for effort but ... ah whatever I didn't expect her to say anything to comfort me. So she hugged me and babied me - which felt good...
Next thought - funeral time - ah I'm so tired of explaining this facts - i guess i'll give incomplete sentences. My mom is back - we find a funeral home. It was nice - I made a cd as a tribute to her. Big turnout - lots of friends and our small family went. I remember asking all my friends to come. Must have scared them but they all came anyway to give me support. Haha they finally get to see how vulnerable I am. Good for them. Anyway we did all the funeral procedures and it has been 3 years? god I can't even remember cause I buried it in my thoughts. Oh another thought - my sister killed herself one day before her birthday. I have no idea. (silence)
Ok I guess I got enough off my chest. It feels good to write about this. I wonder if I'm gonna scare people away. I wonder if I'll find someone with the same dysfunctional family problems. Yeah I know - everyone and their moms told me to go to a therapist. I said "no" i don't need on but was secretly hoping someone to push me into one. I would probably explain the same story and he would give his comforting speech. Yeah it takes time to heal blah blah blah. I know that's why I never mentioned the reason why my sister died. Why she suicided? I told everybody she just died - don't ask about it. Hmmm I'm too lazy to read this over and connect my thoughts so I'm gonna end it at this and fall asleep. Good night and cherish the family and friends you have. I know I will forget this thought next week. At least I have this as a reminder.... I love you mom. I love you dad. I love you Darren. I love you Johnny. I love you Emily. I love you guys. A piece of you all will reside within me.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Life is too short.
So I was reading Cosmogirl to see what's new, etc...Actually I was looking for some material to tease girls (ie. horse girl) but anyway I came across an interesting article. Well not really new but it gave me a flashback of the past. It was about this girl who was homeless and than she had enough of her life and became successful - you know those kinda stories. I'll quote her cause I want to read this over after I trash the magazine.
"Seeing someone close to you pass away really gives you a sense of how temporary life is; the time we have here is precious and short. It's a waste of time to have your eyes shut in anger. It's a waste of time to feel you're owed something. It's a waste of time to wait for someone to do it for you. Make the most of what you have. Whenever you see someone else doing something, it could be you doing it."
Haha this sounds so cliche - something right out of a self-help book. Anyway I got too caught up in my daily grind and I forgot what I was really seeking. My guess is cause I got comfortable and didn't really want to put in the effort to change. I felt like I was supposed to be given the grand dream and waiting for it to magically land on my lap. The things with dreams is they land somewhere close and you have to walk and pick it up.
So my reiteration is life is too short to be worried about how others see you at the party or when you do approaches on the streets. Life is too short to live in isolation away from social pressure. Girls won't magically ring your doorbell so dance and leave lasting impressions on every person you touch.
Actually this morning I went on a job interview for this assistant graphic design position. It was for a clothing company and I went in really high energy. Needless to say there were tons of females passing in the lobby and they all approached me asking if I was a buyer and if I was being helped. I'm thinking it might have been my relaxed body language since I was leaning back, crossing my legs and reading a magazine. During the interview, it was 2 girls against me but I powered my voice and kept the eye contact - and they hired me. Kudos and a pat on the back.
About damn time its Friday! I got two birthday parties to attend but I want to meet up with my wingman to practice my skills, decisions decisions. Hopefully he comes through and we hit the people at the bars of the birthdays. Time to get some more approaches under my belt and I'm working on a new opener to use. I notice I do all the role-reversals naturally with a girl I am comfortable with, I just need to be totally comfortable with strangers.
Oooo that reminds me of this past Saturday when I was walking up the stairs from the train station. This girl approaches me and asks for directions - I tell her "sure, it's a couple blocks from here - I'll take you" and so we begin our conversation. It seems she was asking more and more questions about me like What's my name?, What do I do for a living? Where do I live? boring interview question style. She was such an AFC but I guess they don't have to worry too much about pick-up. So i slyly responded with jokes and teasing as if she was a stalker etc... problem is when I closed her for an e-mail. I must have done it unconfidently because it turned out she was a flake. I have no idea what the harm could be for e-mail and if I could replay the whole thing - all I heard was her laughing and having a good time. The mystery will never be solved... =(
"Seeing someone close to you pass away really gives you a sense of how temporary life is; the time we have here is precious and short. It's a waste of time to have your eyes shut in anger. It's a waste of time to feel you're owed something. It's a waste of time to wait for someone to do it for you. Make the most of what you have. Whenever you see someone else doing something, it could be you doing it."
Haha this sounds so cliche - something right out of a self-help book. Anyway I got too caught up in my daily grind and I forgot what I was really seeking. My guess is cause I got comfortable and didn't really want to put in the effort to change. I felt like I was supposed to be given the grand dream and waiting for it to magically land on my lap. The things with dreams is they land somewhere close and you have to walk and pick it up.
So my reiteration is life is too short to be worried about how others see you at the party or when you do approaches on the streets. Life is too short to live in isolation away from social pressure. Girls won't magically ring your doorbell so dance and leave lasting impressions on every person you touch.
Actually this morning I went on a job interview for this assistant graphic design position. It was for a clothing company and I went in really high energy. Needless to say there were tons of females passing in the lobby and they all approached me asking if I was a buyer and if I was being helped. I'm thinking it might have been my relaxed body language since I was leaning back, crossing my legs and reading a magazine. During the interview, it was 2 girls against me but I powered my voice and kept the eye contact - and they hired me. Kudos and a pat on the back.
About damn time its Friday! I got two birthday parties to attend but I want to meet up with my wingman to practice my skills, decisions decisions. Hopefully he comes through and we hit the people at the bars of the birthdays. Time to get some more approaches under my belt and I'm working on a new opener to use. I notice I do all the role-reversals naturally with a girl I am comfortable with, I just need to be totally comfortable with strangers.
Oooo that reminds me of this past Saturday when I was walking up the stairs from the train station. This girl approaches me and asks for directions - I tell her "sure, it's a couple blocks from here - I'll take you" and so we begin our conversation. It seems she was asking more and more questions about me like What's my name?, What do I do for a living? Where do I live? boring interview question style. She was such an AFC but I guess they don't have to worry too much about pick-up. So i slyly responded with jokes and teasing as if she was a stalker etc... problem is when I closed her for an e-mail. I must have done it unconfidently because it turned out she was a flake. I have no idea what the harm could be for e-mail and if I could replay the whole thing - all I heard was her laughing and having a good time. The mystery will never be solved... =(
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